why you're everything but yourself | ep. 5 of youth building

crawling into the abyss, dodgeball, and being authentically yourself

Favorite anythings are a perplexing topic for me.

Of course, Sabrina Carpenter is an icon and the show Friends is—cackling for 10 seconds— funny, but favorite? Favorites say something about you, and that’s a lot of pressure.

The pressure slowly compounds—especially in the godawful icebreakers at interviews and board meetings. While you count the number of people before your 10 seconds of fame, your two brain cells play dodgeball—bouncing around ideas—until indecision crushes all intent of being honest.

You go with your next thought: I’m just going to choose XYZ because it’ll leave [insert positive trait] impression.

When the 10 seconds pass, you metaphorically pat yourself on the back after catching slight smiles from peers. You feel bad for lying, but deep down, you know you’d do it again if it meant clinging to your status.

I know all too well the feeling. Afterall, Pride and Prejudice is my favorite book, and my favorite color, that’s coquelicot red—is that even a color?

But do it long enough, and you get stuck in dodgeball—in an neverending war—with no score card to chase after. Because how can you win when you don’t know who you’re playing for or what you’re chasing after? When that happens, there’s no reason to play the game.

Point and case? When you spend so much time trying to be somebody else(to score) with no clear end point in sight(score card), you’ll end up losing yourself in the process.

And all the genuine care and effort you put into getting that dream position were all in vain because you tried to be someone you’re not. You’re only human for it, that’s the worst feeling.

So, if coquelicot red really is your favorite color, own it. But if its not, own it too. I’ve since learned it’s definitely not mine, and I’m never spending 30 min repeating the Google pronunciation to sound “sophisticated” again (tho i do have bragging rights).

Initially, I thought I could protect myself from judgment by keeping myself just to myself. But the thought of being just another person scares me even more. Now, I choose my own jersey over any other because jerseys can’t just be worn, they have to be embraced and lived in.

Let me remind you of this. As a founder, your job is to create what only you can create and grow it in your special way. You can’t do that if you’re scared of who you are. It’ll be hard at first, but trust me, when you continue choosing yourself, the scoreboard becomes clearer and clearer.

I’m curious, what’s one jersey you’re committed to embracing?

I have first dibbs on this one.